The Jinxing Paper


The Jinxing Paper under New Management

The Jinxing Paper has been sold to new owners as of November 20, 2020.

Over recent years, the Paper had been plagued by a spate of lawsuits, beginning with the 2017 claim by then-foreman Wai that improper safety precautions had led to the loss of his leg. Wai alleged that the emergency stop switch did not work and was, in fact, simply a piece of construction paper glued to the wall with the word “Stop” written on it with a marker.

The Paper fought the case, as company records indicated that the leg lost by Wai had a history of knee problems and a rather large bunion, and therefore was worth considerably less valuable than Wai’s lawyers were indicating. The Paper and Wai opted to settle, with Wai receiving a considerable promotion and seventy-five percent of the value of a human leg on the open market.

Two years later, a local Jinxing woman opened her weekend edition of Paper only to discover there was a leg embedded in it, and that it had badly torn her article on colon cleansing, so that she was unable to read the ingredients in her potentially life-saving cleansing smoothies.

The Paper confirmed the woman had, in fact, discovered Wai’s other leg. When reached for comment, Wai expressed regret that he hadn’t replaced the construction paper cutout with a real switch since being promoted to his new role in safety oversight. The Paper, without any remaining cash reserves, settled with Wai and awarded him a controlling share of the company.

The woman sued The Jinxing Paper for hospital expenses after spending a week in intensive care, suffering badly from a buildup of toxins in her colon. The woman’s doctor alleged that, had the woman only taken a little bit of apple cider vinegar mixed with cayenne pepper twice daily, she could have escaped the battery of coffee enemas they were forced to administer.

The paper lost this latest case. The presiding judge confirmed that now-president Wai didn’t have a leg to stand on.

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To contact the editor-in-chief, Sum Ting Wong, simply send an email to editor@jinxingpaper.com.